#15 Out with Old, in with the New
Last of the heavy doses and into the unknown of the weekly
Sonya M.
2 min read
Too much information...
You would think that moving from the fortnightly “chemo from the depths of hell” doses to the lighter weekly ones would feel like an upgrade. Like going from being hit by a truck… to being nudged by a scooter. I thought the same, sooo optimistic.
My last heavy dose was Frdiay 10 July something to celebrate for sure. The first of twelve weekly treatments started yesterday on 24 July. A fresh start, a new chapter, a weekly date with chemicals....noice!
Then came the appointment time shuffle — 12:30pm… then 1:30pm… then 11am. I was like, fine, I’m flexible, I will absolutely be there. But THEN… the phone during that call to change to the 11am, 4 little words unleashed every overthinking, catastrophising cell in my brain. The lovely lady says, in the sweetest, caring voice: “I think it’s wise we start your treatment at 11am, just in case.”
Those four words "wise and just in case" triggered every anxious neuron I possess.
My brain immediately goes to:
“WISE!!?? Wise for WHAT!!!!?”
“JUST IN CASE OF WHAT EXACTLY!!!!?” and starts running every possible scenario and by the next morning had basically written an entire disaster movie where I'm in the lead role!!
Sleep was interrupted that night (writing that movie) so by the time I arrived at the appointment I was strung out like a set of Christmas lights and so mentally and physically tired. My nurse took one look at me and asked, “Are you okay?” and this was NOT the moment for putting on a brave face. I just said, “Not really,” while trying not to cry like I've just been told coffee has been discontinued.
I explained the four little words. She immediately went into comfort mode, “Oh noooo, it’s okay!” Then she explained that they like to start the first weekly treatment early so they can slow it down, pause it, give antihistamines, etc., if there’s a reaction and reactions usually happen in the first 15 minutes.
So basically, they weren’t predicting doom, they were just being organised. I was feeling a little less anxious but still running some of those "what if" scenarios and all the while I refused to look at the clock, focusing instead on a mindless phone game (the kind where you match colours and feel like a genius).
Eventually I gave into temptation and looked at the clock! FORTY MINUTES IN (Yessss!!!) and no reaction, no emergency, no dramas. Just me now feeling far more relaxed and slightly embarrassed.
Now it’s the usual “wait and see” over the next few days as the previous routine was by Sunday evening, feeling flat, Monday hit by a bus, Tuesday hit by a smaller bus into Wednesday where I was basically fine again.
So yes, the plan is back to “take it as it comes," and THIS is why I prefer zero extra information is the best thing. My imagination does NOT need encouragement. So until the next blog..... Live, Laugh and L0ve and don't sweat the small stuff!
